00029: Intentions


Throughout the years, I have set up many intentions, plans, goals, yet many of my desires have ended right at the beginning: at the intention, at the plan, at the wish. This has happened for many reasons; some intentions are stronger than others so those that “seem to have” more value take priority. Other times, the intentions are strong but the will to fulfill them isn’t, those intentions also stay behind. And then there are those intentions who, as much value as they might end up adding to my life, are never realized because I’m too busy, too preoccupied, too cluttered with my mundane life.

I have many unrealized intentions that serve as an example of what I’m talking about. Yet, I’m sure you get the point. Instead of giving you examples, I want to actually address two intentions that never came to be fruitful, mainly because I was “too busy” with life. Both intentions are theatre related and both took placed in different continents and at different times in my life. 

In 2017 the production of my one-person show JOTO: Confessions of a Mexican Outcast was invited to participate in the International Dublin Gay Theatre Festival. The artistic producer and I spent two weeks in Dublin, Ireland attending the festival and presenting my play. And while we were participating in the festival, we also had the opportunity to see the work of many other international artists. 

Seeing the work of other artists was an inspiration to continue my work as a theatre artist. When I was back in California, I had the intention to write about the few plays I had seen because they were transformative and innovating. Yet, “life got in the way” and I never wrote those thoughts. 

In 2019 my husband and I spent two weeks in Mexico City. We have already spent two weeks in Merida and two weeks in Oaxaca; Mexico City was the last leg of the trip. During those two weeks, my late friend Luis took us, like in many other visits, to the theatre. This was nothing new, we usually saw one or two theatre productions during our stays. But this time, we saw seven different theatre production in the span of two weeks. That means we literately went to the theatre almost every other night we were visiting Luis. When my husband and I were back in California, I wanted to write about the experience but once again, “life got in the way” and I never wrote about it. 

Today I’m in the process of decluttering my home office and parts of my house. At the same time, I am decluttering my mind and my life altogether. Something that has been in my mind is the desire to write about both of the aforementioned theatre experiences, especially now that my dear friend Luis passed away due to COVID-19. I strongly feel I need to write about them and fulfill the original intentions and, at the same time, pay tribute to my dearest friend Luis. So here I am, writing about what an intention is, about the intentions I did not fulfill, and about my desire to fulfill them. This blog entry makes me accountable and forces me to finally complete my two intentions. I will make that happen. By Dyinosus, I will. #carlosmanuelspeaksthetruth 

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